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     A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience . Seeing God she asked  : "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live

"Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance"

God replied: "I didn't recognize you .

ترجمه در ادامه مطلب

ادامه نوشته

English Alphabet Riddles

Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)

Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)

Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)

Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)

Q: What letter is a pronoun like "you"?
A: The letter " I "

Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)

Q: What letter is an exclamation?
A: O. (oh!)

Q: What letter is a European bird?
A: J. (Jay)

Q: What letter is looking for causes ?
A: Y. (why)

Q: What four letters frighten a thief?
A: O.I.C.U. (Oh I see you!)

Q: What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?
A: The letter "m".

Q: Why is the letter "T" like an island ?
A: Because it is in the middle of waTer.

Q: In what way can the letter "A" help a deaf lady?
A: It can make "her" "hear.

Q: Which is the loudest vowel?
A: The letter "I". It is always in the midst of noise

Q: What way are the letter "A" and "noon" alike?
A: Both of them are in the middle of the "day".

Q: Why is "U" the happiest letter?
A: Because it is in the middle of "fun".

Q: What word of only three syllables contains 26 letters?
A: Alphabet = (26 letters)

Q: What relatives are dependent on "you"?
A: Aunt, uncle, cousin. They all need "U".

Q: What is the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".

A short story

A mother had two daughters, her real daughter and a stepdaughter. The step daughter was pretty and kind, but the real daughter was ugly and mean.

One day the step daughter went into the garden to draw water from the well. As she looked down into the water, she saw two little man dancing and prancing. She picked two apples from the apple tree and threw them into the well.

Each of the men caught one apple and was very happy.
"How can we reward you, pretty girl? " they called up.
But Stepdaughter would not even hear of any reward. She drew up the pail full of water and went back to the house. As soon as she stepped inside, Realdaughter exclaimed: "Oh, what golden hair you have! Where did you get it? "

Stepdaughter told about the two men in the well. The stepmother told realdaughter to hurry up and go to the well so she too would get golden hair.

The girl went and saw two little men. So realdaughter picked up two stones and threw them down, not looking to see where they might fall.

The men shouted, "Hope you grow on owl`s tail on your forehead!"

But realdaughter did not listen and ran straight to the house. As soon as she opened the door, her mother cried, "Your sister lied to you! You have an owl`s tail hanging from your forehead!"

From then on, both the mother and daughter hated poor Stepdaughter for her golden hair.

Fortunately Stepdaughter had a brother who was a rich nobleman`s servant, and he had heard about sister`s golden hair and about the way she was treated. He wanted to help and see her. His master noticed that his servant was unhappy and wanted to know what was wrong.

The brother told about his pretty sister.

The nobleman said

" Order the coachman to go and bring her here. If she is as beautiful as you say, I will marry her, I love blondes! "

The coachman drove to the house. But the stepmother refused to agree. " I`ll let the one go if you take the other as well, " she said. The coachman could do nothing but take both girls.